“You’re not in a clear-headed state and will not be making the best decisions. Having an outside perspective helped me stay focused.”
— Denny Connor, owner, Conner Remodeling & Design Photo: Ron Wurzer | WpN The 1,200-square-foot office suite — complete with a conference room, kitchen area, and offices — encompasses the entire first floor of the Kantars’ home.
An understanding business partner and caring employees have also made a difference for the Kantars. The employees are comfortable working in the office suite and are accepting of the Kantars’ family obligations. And, even though the Kantars live on the upper two floors, they have worked hard to be professional and keep their home life as separate as possible. “Once you come down the stairs [to the office], you don’t have the sense that you’re in a house anymore,” Ruth says. The employees have even developed a relationship with the Kantar children. “They’re very supportive,” Ruth says.
Hinkson learned over the years how to create a balance between business and family life. But it wasn’t too long ago that he was working 80 hours a week and “missing more than half of my kids’ activities,” he says. His work schedule also wreaked havoc on his marriage. So he reassessed his core values.
“I started telling people that I can’t meet with them on the weekend,” he says. “I never again missed my kids’ events. I will not put business before my family.”
Most customers will understand, Hinkson says. “Everyone respects that.” And for those customers who don’t, it’s a great qualifier. “I have no desire to do anything with that person because they don’t respect my family,” Hinkson says.
TAKING CARE OF YOU
One of the most important things you can do for your business — during good times and bad — is to take care of yourself. That includes a healthy diet, moderate exercise, and sufficientrest. “You need to take care of the basics first,” O’Reilly says. “[Then] you have a better chance of attending and focusing.”
To keep yourself on track physically, O’Reilly suggests journaling to track your eating, sleeping, and exercise habits.
Another approach is to reflect on what got you through other stressful times and to tap those resources. “When you can see that you’ve had some successes in the past, it becomes more possible for you to get through this tough time,” O’Reilly says.
Most important, however, is to give yourself time; time to heal, to grieve, to collect yourself. Too often, business owners get caught up in the idea that they must always be in charge or be the strong one. “Sometime during the day, allow yourself time to grieve,” O’Reilly says. “It’s really important to allow yourself to have the emotions that you’re having and [allow] time for them to come out. Give yourself permission that what you’re feeling is normal, it’s OK.”
Missed work, and the emotional and physical toll that life-altering events bring about, should be expected, O’Reilly says. Work performance and focus will be affected in various ways. “When a person understands what the issue is, it’s easier to deal with,” she says. “You can’t be all things to all people, especially if you’ve experienced a death, a divorce, or some tragedy.”
Nor can you rush recovery, as Hinkson has discovered. “Everyone looks at me now and thinks, ‘OK, you’re back to normal,'” he says. Even though he looks healthier than he has in years and does have more energy, Hinkson says he still needs time to heal both physically and mentally.” Everyone thinks I’m back to 100%, so that’s been a challenge,” says Hinkson, who also has high expectations of himself. “I tend to push more than I should. But I do have good balance in my life.”
Support, both at work and at home, is essential to making it through pain and trauma. Seek support from the people who know you best — your family and friends — but also look beyond your inner circle. These people might include an attorney, financial planner, members of the professional organizations you belong to, or even a therapist. “You’re not in a clear-headed state and will not be making the best decisions,” Conner says. “Having an outside perspective helped me to stay focused.”
When the body and mind are in such a stressed state, logic often goes out the window, so it’s not the best time to make important decisions. “If you’re not able to focus, and you’re not sleeping and eating properly and getting some physical activity, that’s going to impair your ability to problem-solve,” O’Reilly says.
Long-term stress can also lead to physical problems, affecting the body’s immune system, causing ulcers, headaches, gastrointestinal issues, and other ailments. “This is the body’s way of saying, ‘Help me,'” O’Reilly says.
Having downtime will not only allow your body and mind to rejuvenate but also will decrease the chance of burnout. “You need to make sure that you have time with family and friends,” O’Reilly advises, “and [that you] pursue your personal interests.”
Hinkson says he learned long ago to set his priorities. “I hear a lot of remodelers who have resentment toward their clients and elements of their businesses,” he says. “It’s because they have allowed the client or the business to trump one of their core values. Maybe they’re not even aware of it, but thei rbody and mind are aware of it. And that’s where that anger comes from.”
Instead, Hinkson says he has learned that he can say “no” to a Tuesday night meeting if there’s a conflict with his family life — and still sign the project. “You really don’t know if you have tomorrow,” Hinkson says. “Live each day aware of what it really means.”