Note: This column is the first in a five-part series focusing on topics that Nina and Paul Winans will cover at the Remodelers Advantage 2019 Couples Retreat Workshop February 7-8, 2019.
Nina and I worked together for a long time. We’ve lived together even longer. And we are still discovering who we each are!
The two of us are very different people. While Nina is a planner, I am more spontaneous. I tend to move too quickly, while Nina is more cautious. I like just enough information, while Nina likes more. And so on.
Everyone is different. That is what makes the world the amazing place it is. Because you are interacting with people who look at things in ways you never imagined, your view of the world can be expanded and more complete.
This happens only if you are interested in learning how others look at the world. It takes work to do this because your perspective—and your natural inclinations—are so comfortable to you.
Those inclinations are comfortable to you even if you are not happy about how you tend to behave because of them! Confounding, isn’t it?
Welcome to being a human! We have a lot of choices that we can make on a daily basis. So many, in fact, that we aren’t even aware of some of the choices available to us. Our job on this planet is to learn about those choices and make some different ones—some that are more effective than others.
Here is an example: When taking a flight together, Nina liked to be at the airport with plenty of time to spare. I was more inclined to stay home longer and get there just in time, maybe a little bit earlier.
We would have “discussions” about the different ideas we had of when to depart from our house that set an awkward tone for the beginning of a vacation. That stunk. So, we made some changes to accommodate the different ways we look at the world.
The upshot is that now I ask Nina when she thinks we should leave. And, believe it or not, many times her idea of when we should leave is later than mine! Then we agree upon a time to depart, while staying on the same page.
What do you want from your relationship with your significant other? Do you want to continually butt heads about the same issues time and time again? Or do you want to work to better understand how each other looks at the world and adjust to be more aligned?
Understanding who you each are is the starting point for an even better relationship, both at home and at work.