Last week, my wife Nina and I ran a retreat for couples who work together running remodeling companies. Fourteen couples joined us in Scottsdale, Ariz., for the two days of the workshop.
We shared what we learned over the 29 years of running our company together and the 43 years of being married about how to have a good relationship. Here are a few of the main points we covered.
Understanding Your Differences
Most people expect other people to be just like them. If only they were, it would be a lot easier to get along with them! The thing is, though, we are all different. That is wonderful, and yet can be frustrating sometimes.
A results-oriented, faster-paced person and a people-oriented, slower-paced person will have some moments of friction, because it is as if they come from different planets. How to reduce the likelihood of that friction occurring?
Take the time to understand your partner’s natural way of approaching the world so you can modify your way of interacting with them so that your partner can actually be engaged when you are talking to one another.
Boundaries
Nina and I had to work hard at determining what our respective responsibilities were at work and at home. Doing this took time, and sticking to what we decided took discipline.
At work, Nina was responsible for finance, administration, and marketing. I was responsible for sales and managing the production manager. We met weekly as owners to discuss the current status of the company and its near-term future.
Nina was the queen of our home. I was the king of the company. We respected those boundaries, for the most part, which made decision-making a little easier.
It took some time to get good at all of the above. It was worth the effort, though, as it reduced friction between us and allowed us to be doing what we wanted to and were good at.
A Balanced Life
When we first started the company, I worked way too many hours and was stressed much of the time. Over the years, with lots of support from Nina, we reduced my responsibilities by hiring people to do estimating and design and to manage production. Becoming good at hiring and at managing others were skills we had to learn. Over time, we got fairly good at doing those things.
Those efforts afforded us the opportunity to do more outside the company, both with our children when they were young and by ourselves as time went by. Traveling is something Nina and I very much enjoy, and we are fortunate to have done a lot of it in the latter years of owning the company and in the years since we sold it.
We had to commit to doing things outside of work and remodel the company to allow us to do them, otherwise it would have never happened.
The Attendee’s Comments at the End of the Retreat
We covered all that I laid out above and more at the retreat. It was wonderful to watch the couples learning new skills and tactics they could use going forward in their business and their lives.
In the wrap-up of the event, we asked everyone to offer a final comment. Nina and I were surprised to hear from so many of the attendees how well the two of us worked together. And how we obviously appreciated one another a lot. It was very touching to hear that.
Thanks, Nina
Honestly, without you, Nina, I would not have made so many positive changes in my approach to you, our family, and our company. You encouraged me and supported me as we worked together to get on the same page and craft the lives we wanted.
So, once again, please be my Valentine, Nina.